Dude. The Series. Part 1: “Friend Zone” Fuckery

You choose at every moment whether to exhibit the idea of power or not. But heed the idea that while you may think that certain actions show power–the true demonstration of power is awareness, compassion and the lightest possible touch. That which has the greatest power, requires the lightest possible touch to get something done. A great deal of pushing comes from those who feel powerless–that feel they must manipulate and push things into the direction they wish them to go. Those who already know they are part of the infinite…those who already know there is no power greater than the one they are already a part of, need not exercise a demonstration, for they know in their allowance all things fall into place. That allowance is the greatest power that can be reflected to anyone else. ~Bashar



  Who came up with the term “friend zone”? I really would like to know so that I can go to this male person’s house and karate chop him in the neck part of his throat. Seriously. I do not subscribe to violence of any sort, but I also know that sometimes folk don’t know they done fff’d up until their air breathing is compromised. For more than a few moments.*extreme eye roll, with flailing sequins*.


If you spend any length of time on IG (that’s Instagram folks) or even FB (that’s Facebook folks) and sometimes Twitter (That’s ummm Twitter…), you will also find your timeline and thus, your life, bombarded with rantings and whinings of male people who believe the Gawds have dealt them THEE most dastardly card of woe that involves a woman they may have on their radar; but said woman honestly doesn’t see any amounts of romantic connection in them and so they scoff and cry and moan and complain at the idea that any woman would want to *gasp* enjoy their friendship without any penile benefits attached. Like natural romantic connection is this wire we all have and women just don’t know how to use theirs properly. Or that male people know better than feminine types who and what women should like and if a woman doesn’t like a man the way he feels she should like him, well there’s something wrong with heeeeeer. Or something wrong with hiiiiiiiiiim. So he does stuff to get her to like him. And then gets all pissed off when she still doesn’t like him. See. This is where ya’all got it focked up. Could it be that you two just aren’t meant to be a couple? Hmmmmm. It seems like the path of least resistance is the most logical, but what do I know?  We live in a world where male folk claim to deal all the cards–which is actually unfortunate because the cards male folk persistently deal themselves involve giving away all their power to their shallow ego. Which also happens to be attached to loads of soul crushing pain and hurt and ego bruising and the like. Welp.


While I’ll agree that some PEOPLE don’t have a clue as to what kind of person is loving relationship material, I have to also agree that women don’t hold the monopoly on such things. Male folk pick all kinds of romantic liaisons based on levels of “pretty”, body type and hair texture and wonder why when it’s time to dig in to having life-forwarding conversations, they’re stuck in shallow convos about compliments, bathroom butt selfies and weave lengths. You did that to yourself boo.  I think what irks my soul about this “friend zone” fuckery is that male people assume that being someone’s friend is not indeed a tremendous honor built on genuine trust and authenticity. Where genuine beings find sanctuary enough to bare their very souls in a way that most folk don’t have the opportunity to experience. To be someone’s true friend is an honor, because as we all know, true friends are rare indeed. But so many male persons miss out on the treasures of platonic friendships, because they are so used to seeing every woman as a conquest. And if they don’t see every woman as a conquest, they’re walking around with this completely ridiculous notion that “nice” guys finish “last” and that they aren’t liked by women because they’re too “nice”. *gag*

Let me now take the time to break down what nice is.

So it will forever be broke. Like foreva, eva. Nice is the equivalent of Meh. It’s lukewarm. It’s the stuff God spit out because it was neither cold, nor hot. It’s like eating room temperature Cheerios that have been sitting in almond milk all day. Uck. It’s like drinking from that old ass Jim Crow water fountain in the school gym, next to the boys locker room on the hottest day of the summer (that metal taste never goes away). When you show somebody something and they say, “oh, that’s nice”, you automatically get the impression that they either don’t really like it or they just really don’t care at all and so they look for something pleasing to say (instead of the truth), and “Oh, that’s so niiiiiiice” comes out. *gag* Nice lives behind the idea that “Imma just sit on this here fence because I’m not into rocking any boats, particularly the boat of my own life. I’ll stand up for myself, but only when it gets to the point that all my options are over there, up against that wall. I am nice afterall, and probably steeped in fear of rejection. I’m also a people pleaser, because that’s what makes me nice. As long as I’m a door mat, people will like me. I need people to like me. So Imma be nice.” <~~  Don’t ever be this guy. Here’s a #truthbomb for you to ponder. Folk don’t ever “finish last” because they treat people well. Folk end up last when they think others deserve better treatment than they do. People can only treat you the way you treat yourself. K.


 And then there is KIND.

imaginetheepic:Angela Davis x Shepard Fairey People who are kind have all kinds of backbone because their backbone is powered by self love. They live their lives powerfully and unapologetically. They treat people from the overflow of their gracious inner abundance. They treat people well, because they treat people the way they want to be treated. People treat them well because connection of any sort is an agreement. There is no manipulation in kindness.  Kindness is backed by a confident sense of self. To be liked is nice, but I don’t need you to like me to be cool with myself. AND I’m still gonna treat you honorably because that’s what kind folk do. They stand up and don’t sweat the dumb stuff. K.  Nelson Mandela was kind. Harry Belafonte is kind. Martin Luther King was kind. Harriet Tubman was kind. Zora Neale Hurston was kind. Bell Hooks is kind. Angela Davis is kind. All of these people are powerful beyond measure and wielded their power in such a way that lesser souls cowered at their feet, mostly because they were jealous, but whatever. Spongebob is nice.

So back to our original discussion.

  There is no actual such thing as “being doomed to friend zone”.  You didn’t find your way to “the dungeons of manhood”, despite your best intentions, because some crazy chic thought you were worthy of her friendship which did not *gasp* include the insertion of your penis through her vulva.  For the love of Zeus how could this be?! This can be because all men and women who connect in some way are not meant to be romantic alliances. All people don’t just go together. Coupling is a science all its own that has even renowned scientists of every sort baffled as fock.  A penis is NOT, in fact, a skeleton key that unlocks any damned lock you choose without the other person’s consent, interest or agreement. That’s just sexist, patriarchal bullshit.  Every male/female introduction isn’t destined for a bump or a grind later, so why can’t men and women be friends if that’s plausible and that be cool also? Without a stupid description like “friend zone”, which suggests that any man has a romantic shot with any woman provided said man can manipulate her enough to convince her to have him. Which is focking ridiculous. Dude. Ya’all watched Hitch too many times and you sound dummmmb. Plus, what are alllll the other “zones” besides the friend one I hear so much about?


“Awww naw man, I caught a raw deal yo. I’m stuck in “Stimulating Intellectual Conversation Zone”.

“Nope, she ain’t wit it yo, I fell in the trap of “She Got My Back Better Than My Own Family Sometimes Zone”.

“Yeah man, I wanted to smash, but she’s so shallow, she only sees me in the “Go On And Bare The Truth You Wouldn’t Dare Share With Your Boys Zone”.



Oh. You didn’t think that far ahead did you? Nope. Shawl didn’t.  I think because male folk are so used to their programming as punanny predators, they mistake ANY connection for a potential romantic one and I’ll tell you, it makes it flipping awkward for women who really, honestly and truly adore your friendship, as in, a very close association that is worthy of brotherly love and sisterly affection and who they have zero interest in F*cking. Period. Are there platonic friendships that evolve into romantic relationships? Absolutely! I personally believe ALL romantic relationships should evolve from friendship–but these also require a mutual agreement between the two people involved–which oft times involves some sort of attraction.  All friendships will not evolve into romantic partnerships as all romantic pairings don’t start out as friendships. But all relationships require an agreement. No agreement, no relationship and it takes two people to agree. You don’t get to choose for someone else what kind of relationship they want to be in with you. K? If you want to be in a non-platonic relationship with a woman, it’s your job to say so and to create boundaries with her so your heart doesn’t get trampled on. If she’s not interested and you spoke up about your truth, that’s all you can do. Agree to disagree and carry on or bounce.  There’s that. OR… keep whining about how some girl you like, doesn’t like you back in the same way because victim consciousness is obviously way more fun and compelling than spending your energy on a woman who actually reciprocates your affections. I digress.   And another thing. You can’t blame your catching feelings on a woman. Just like a woman can’t blame her catching feelings on a man. They’re your feelings tho! I know a lot of ya’all ain’t used to having to manage your internal stuff, but that’s yo business. Figure that shat out on your own time.


Voldemort - Well then ......

You know what’s funny? There are dozens of Voldemorts out in the world sharing compellingly focked up advice for women assuming it will “help” them better navigate the jungles of their relational world. But very few of these deception slangers have a clue of how they perpetuate the fuckery male folk walk with. The world is ever changing and evolving and if some of y’all don’t change and evolve too, you’ll have far bigger fish to fry than worrying bout being stuck in some fictional “friend zone” somebody dumb made up.  Every two people ain’t designed to be a couple and if you get your willy all in a bunch every time a woman doesn’t agree with you (and then stick around to get hurt because you can’t hack the idea of being friends only), that’s actually your problem, not hers. If you’re actually a great guy and she’s too blinded by her own fuckery to see it, that’s her problem, not yours. It’s not your job to manipulate her from the sidelines to get her to see things as you see them. That’s stalker-y. And not sane. Even Forrest Gump had enough sense to go on with his life and rock that jawn out. Jenny eventually came round. But it was her choice, not his manipulation that made it happen. Of course, she was about to die… the devil is in the details ain’t it? The point is, in this world where women do actually have a say in who they couple and spend their ever loving lives with, this one trick pony too many male folk have found is bound for the glue factory. The truth of the matter is, the only reason any male person finds themselves in a “friend zone” is cause they chose to be there. Nothing happens without willingness through action. Meanwhile, you don’t actually have to be in her life at all. But you already knew that. Which is why you chose a lane that she would have you. The truth shall make you free. So. Dude. Evolve from this “Friend Zone” Fuckery. Please. This world full of women thanks you in advance.


The moral of this story? Meh. I’ve ranted enough. Figure it out. Osho Lovianhal (Light the Love in ALL) Friend, -e-