Envy McKee

Troubles are often the tools by which God fashions us for better things. ~Henry Ward Beecher   I’m having one of the best, worst days of my life. Ever have one of those? It’s a strange dichotomy, no doubt. Have you ever had any number of significant things begin to unravel in your life and then at the same time, other great stuff happening– so you literally have no idea which side of the pedestrian emotional coin you should be on?   I’m a fan of broad emotional palates. Mine is broooooooad. When I say pedestrian emotional coin, I really mean laugh or cry. Smile or sulk. Surrender or protest. Like you do a coin toss with your emotions and there are only two (emotions)–which starts out awkward–and you recognize there has to be a drastic difference in what you would choose to feel. Otherwise, why do a coin toss?   Meanwhile, since I used that metaphor for seeming ease and grace purposes, I might as well go with it.  Even though stuff is in mid-change mode in my life, … Continue reading →

 Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change – this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress.   ~ Bruce Barton I got an interesting e-mail the other day. It was  one of those mass e-mail things that happen when you subscribe to somebody’s newsletter. The newsletter in question was from Marie Forleo.  Without any interest in going into much detail, we’ll just say I have a weird relationship with Marie Forleo. I love the insight she shares. The bigger part of me is suggesting to leave it there. And so I shall.    When people say, “you are absolutely in love with yourself” and then say, “I don’t mean that in a bad way”, I guess we believe somehow that being in love with ourselves is a bad thing. I’m sure there’s a sordid history behind it.   For those of you who have spent any length of time on this here blog, you know that I’m a big fan of authentic living. … Continue reading →

Earth’s crammed with heaven and every common bush afire with God; but only (s)he who sees takes off his(her) shoes, the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning     Take your shoes off in the presence of God. Where you stand is holy ground.  Those two sentences were on my mind and coming out of my face as I made my way to my office two afternoons ago. Take your shoes off in the presence of God. Where you stand is holy ground. Whaaaaaaaat?! Profound words right? They’re even more profound when you know what they actually mean. Imma break it down in a minute. Let’s just rest a sec while I tell you a story.   I’m not hesitating in the slightest when I say that much of last week was a hot trifle mess. A HOT mess. By the end of the week I felt downright terrorized by every thing happening around me. I wasn’t sad. I was pissed. I was confused. I was befuddled and mixed up and generally not the best person … Continue reading →

My life for whatever reason has become somewhat like a walking ministry. And not at all like the ministries we’ve become accustomed. I don’t have church doors to usher anyone into. I don’t have a whole bunch of dogmatic practices that give “church” it’s tradition or comfort. I don’t sing hymns at whim and my life doesn’t revolve around Sunday mornings, Wednesday night choir practice, the occasional coat drive or reveling at a pulpit. Maybe I don’t understand what a true ministry actually is, but whatever I think it is, just thinking about ME and a “ministry” in the same sentence doesn’t even sound like it goes. My name is Envy. Hullo.       Last night at Darling’s Diner, whilst schlepping down my veggie egg white omelet, the words actually came out of MelRo’s face: “I see you having a ministry.” I’m fairly sure I guffawed.   And yet, my dear friend MelRo was in town this past week and when I tell you a sister spirit ministry happened just about every day, even I couldn’t have my daily argument with God about me and it. … Continue reading →

Recently I watched in horror as a specific scene played out on Instagram. I won’t mention any names, mostly because “who” is less relevant than the “what” and “why”. It played out pretty much like this:   Girl A: Blah, blah, blah I know such and such, like his pic, blah, blah. Girl B: Blah, blah, blah, what you  don’t know is such and such’s crazy girlfriend. Don’t be commenting on his pic *expletive* blah, blah. Girl A: Whuh?! *expletive* I wasn’t even talking to you! Why is this even happening? blah, blah. Sorry Such and such. Girl B: Blah, *expletive*, blah, *expletive*, blah, I’M BOUT THAT LIFE. Blah, *expletive*, I’ll come to you, blah, blah, blah. ( insert a whole bunch of gun emoticons here) Such and Such (aka male person): CTFU… Errybody calm down.   Now. You might be thinking this was a bunch of high schoolers playing out a scene they saw once on Love and Hip Hop. You would be wrong. The above was a paraphrasing from a specific social media imprint I follow lightly. It … Continue reading →

I’ve been pondering this statement lately: “THIS moment is EVERYTHING”. It’s been top of mind for months. THIS moment is EVERYTHING. It essentially means, if we can stay in the moment, we can see and be everything we want to be. If we don’t post out hopes in the future or replay our past like a run on sentence in a movie loop… If we can just keep our focus much closer to today. And much closer than a few hours or minutes from now–but right now. If we can stay right here, right now… we can know everything there is to know about this moment and where we are… and relish it. Did you hear that collective world sigh? Yeah, me too.   You know how we go “if only I had…” or “I should have…” or “Once upon a time I was…” or “I wish I could…” You know how we do that? It’s almost as though the past is this glamorized awesome thing that we can never relive and the future is this glamorized awesome thing that … Continue reading →

… what do we do with wayward children when they run amuck, lead themselves astray, act in vicious, awful ways and take misbehavior to a level the devil would cringe over?   The problem with healing and doing inner work and allowing oneself to feel actual, authentic emotions is that you don’t get to pick when you feel stuff. You don’t get to turn your emoting on and off at whim. The problem with allowing oneself to BE a spirit living a very human existence is that you don’t get to be numb. When tragedy happens around you and not necessarily to you, you feel the harrowing and pain as though it was you. When someone is beaten or battered, you feel the blows and heal the bruises as though they were your own. When someone is ridiculed for their decency and principal, you are as offended as though it was you in ridicule’s wake. The problem with being of LOVE is being so IN LOVE and connected to the other spirits on this planet is that you empathize and … Continue reading →

 …life doesn’t end with the coup de gras. Once you accomplish a major goal, a new one must take its place or you start to feel kindof lost in the wind. I’ve talked a great deal about food fixing on this blog. I can’t claim to be a Vegetarian anymore because I partake in some sort of meat once or twice a week. Mostly out of necessity because when I work, I oft times forget to eat. I mean that literally. When I get in the zone, like most of we overachievers, my body necessity goes to the immediate back burner until my stomach literally feels like its about to eat itself. By that time I’ll eat whatever is handy. I don’t eat fast food or junk, so whatever is at my parent’s house when I pick up Aubrei is first in line to my mouth. My parents are full blooded carnivores. But whatever.   The same goes for me and my supposed righteous water intake. I keep large bottles of purified water around. I have gallons in my car and office. … Continue reading →

Sunday, May 13, 2012 will go down in history as the day I climbed over a very, very tall wall.  Well. Actually it was closer to 4 very tall walls. The walls were all so tall, I needed help from those around me to get over them. But that isn’t the point. The point is, for close to 5 hours I faced every single physical obstacle known to woman and I got through all of them. Just like the 1500+ other masochistic souls who participated in the PA series of Tough Mudders did. It was a thrill.   When I think back on all that I did. The ginormous tub of ice water– a mere 3 obstacles in. That thing in itself was enough to send a more sane someone pacing the exact opposite direction. For me, standing up on the landing to the tub was easy. It’s easy enough to stand and look at anything you’re about to do. Even the jumping in was easy for me. I had no idea how cold it actually was. I haaaaayyyyyyte cold. … Continue reading →

  It is done unto you as you believe. Eight completely unassuming words that can easily be ignored if you aren’t paying attention. If you ARE paying attention… JAB! Right to the neck.   A few things happened today. I would start from the beginning, but that almost makes too much sense. I’ve never ever claimed to want to do too much of that in one sitting. So, we start from the seemingly irrelevant part. Make this entire post a bit like a scavenger hunt!   I’m at the gym . I’m preparing (finally) for my Tough Mudder experience on May 13 and I’ve been very good about (at least) the running portion of my training. For ease and grace purposes, I get on a treadmill every day and run. I’m an interval training kind of gal so to break up the torturous monotony of feeling like a hamster in a wheel, I mix 5 minutes of brisk walking with between 5-15 minutes of go hard running–always looking forward to that little 5 minute break when it comes up never … Continue reading →