Queen’s Log: The Bitter Ones

The Bitter Ones

Judgement is funny. It’s based on the idea that you get to have scorn, and maybe even contempt for me for doing or having done the exact same thing you did or would do. It’s a way of deflecting personal responsibility. It’s especially prevalent with wanna-pretend-to-be-pious folk and folk you don’t return the sentiment for. The latter folk will see that you have limited affection for them, and then stare at you harder- to see every affection you have had for someone else-and scrutinize each one-looking for loopholes and perceived lapses in judgement. At some point in their emo safari, they’ll look at you and your feelings as though they were diseased. They’ll turn a nostril up each time, so you’ll subconsciously associate that twinkle in your eye with their turned up face. Selfish. Sometimes it works. Sometimes we who view our past as shards of glass will allow the bitter ones to stab us time and again with our beautiful remembrances of a romance that didn’t work out. If only because  you don’t want a replacement. And even if you did-you don’t want it with them. I feel like judgment is more about our inability to heal or let go of perceived rejection. Folk like their pain. They like to harbor it like its gold and when they can’t cash out, they form it into swords and swing away at whoever is closer. It’s usually you who’ve taken the time to heal and allow yourself wholeness. You’re walking the world free and happy, stepping around their silly acting-wounded-self because you’re so busy twinkling like a star. It’s usually you who has decided that you’ve been on the merry-go-round your whole life and you no longer have to be. Love is free and freeing. It’s not a page in a bitter-wounded-heart troll book. It’s not a scene in a movie that lies. Love is completely free of judgement. We’ll suppose that’s the irony. People who judge you don’t love you. They don’t love themselves. They don’t know love. Their turned up nose is at their own inability to translate what they see. They’re watching you being free to love completely (yourself and others) without the baggage of needing to judge the outcome. -e-