What “Life” are YOU About?

Recently I watched in horror as a specific scene played out on Instagram. I won’t mention any names, mostly because “who” is less relevant than the “what” and “why”. It played out pretty much like this:

Girl A: Blah, blah, blah I know such and such, like his pic, blah, blah.

Girl B: Blah, blah, blah, what you  don’t know is such and such’s crazy girlfriend. Don’t be commenting on his pic *expletive* blah, blah.

Girl A: Whuh?! *expletive* I wasn’t even talking to you! Why is this even happening? blah, blah. Sorry Such and such.

Girl B: Blah, *expletive*, blah, *expletive*, blah, I’M BOUT THAT LIFE. Blah, *expletive*, I’ll come to you, blah, blah, blah. ( insert a whole bunch of gun emoticons here)

Such and Such (aka male person): CTFU… Errybody calm down.

Now. You might be thinking this was a bunch of high schoolers playing out a scene they saw once on Love and Hip Hop. You would be wrong. The above was a paraphrasing from a specific social media imprint I follow lightly. It manifested as an altercation between one grown folk supposedly “fighting” over “their” supposed territory by way of another grown folk AND a really silly (unwarranted) circumstance.  We can also assume this particular display is how some modern grown women (and men) have social media pissing contests. While this scenario plays out just about every single day on Twitter and Facebook and Instagram to some degree, I’d be remiss if I said I cared that much. Folk act ignorant about pointless stuff everyday. I’ve already made the argument that if I were to call out every ignorant display that happens daily, I’d be filling this entire site for 40 years time and still not have called it all out. I suppose the issue here is that I know at least one of the parties involved.  Which was an utterly awkward moment. AND the reason I watched in horror, rather than simply turn the “channel”.  If not for that, and knowing what’s likely to come by way of how I know this person,  I could care less what grown folk choose to do with their brands and who they allow to represent said brand. Do you boo.

Now. All that said. What really stuck with me about this entire ridiculous whatever that was, was the use of the term “I’m bout THAT life.” In my rainbow paraphrase above, I didn’t bother to include the redundantly long paragraphs populated with expletives, insults, gangsta boasting (poor grammar and spelling) AND that phrase.  I’m from Bucks County.  Upon first and second perusal, “bout THAT life” could mean just about anything. I think I visualized Sponge Bob figurines at first. A clue could have the excessive use of gun emoticons, but those look like cartoons. I’m thinking “gangsta” types don’t really use cartoons to make their points, but whatever.

For me, I’m bout that health, well-being and spirit life. I post pics on my Instagram about the latest smoothie I’ve concocted, words of wisdom I’ve come across, my newest nail creations, pics of the actual life I’m actually living, which may include pics of my workout progress (#abs), the healthful things I’m eating and the occasional wedding dress. I’m “bout THAT life”. I have never, ever, ever, ever posted anything that would insight anyone who’s about the life I’M about to start a fight.  Who I keep in my circle is a huge factor in that though.  The whole deal didn’t really register with me at all. Maybe because I also know that people perceive you through the same lens they see themselves. I see myself THIS way, so it’s hard to register THAT upfront.

I’m a naturally curious person. Obviously, I was intrigued. What in THE heavens could Girl B be referring? I used context clues of the situation and it still didn’t conjure up image enough for what happened.  So I did what any life curator would do under the circumstances. I did a Google search. What came up was a song by Maino (*Eddie F voice* Who?) :

I got money on my mind, deck full of ice
Niggas know my name, I got general stripes
I’m bout that life, I’m bout that life
You know what I’m bout
I’m bout that life
Bitches on deck, hopping out the coupe
Hammer on me and my homies do to
I’m bout that life, bout that life
You know what I’m bout
I’m bout that life
I’m bout that life

Not ringing any bells? Me either.  Plus, the situation I described had NOTHING to do with “hopping out coupes” or “knowing folk names” or “hammers” or whatever. So that didn’t help me much. I dug a little deeper. I use the term loosely here. I turned to *gasp* Urban Dictionary.  It describes being “bout that life” as the following:

Really?! So. You mean to tell me. Boy posts pic. Girl comments blandly about said picture. Another Girl then cusses the first Girl out with life threats. Her reasoning is being “Bout THAT life”?! If I read the definition correctly, Girl B is “willing to serve life in prison for killing” Girl A because they mentioned they know Such and Such? Is that where we are now? Is that what the gun emoticons were about? *clutches pearls*

Wow.  How bout THAT life? Things have changed, haven’t they? Let’s be clear, these aren’t hormone adjusting teens going off here. These are grown people who are embodying and displaying everything we would HOPE they don’t want their children to mimic. It happens too often to be able to cop it out as an isolated incident. We’ve been seeing this behavior everywhere. Far too many women (and men) are becoming about THIS particular life. A life of jealousy, insecurity and violence. They’re walking around puffing themselves up in the “armor” of their fragile egos and emotional immaturity and calling that “life”. They pick fights, only because that’s how they’ve learned their “love” should be expressed. They do this to show how “down” they are for “their” man. Not realizing that they wouldn’t need to do ANY of that if “their” man were really “theirs”. Hullo.  We all know women like this. We blow them off as “crazy”. Hell, they acknowledge themselves as crazy, like crazy is an actual cute thing to be. Too bad we can’t blow them all off. There are far too many. Plus, I know what THIS “life” actually is. It’s more sad than frightening. Actually.

We’ll mention here that I know for a fact, the male person in this scenario has an awesome daughter he’s supposed to set an example for.  Particularly through the women he chooses.  I don’t need to mention that this male person’s awesome daughter is not anywhere near close to THAT life. She can only get close to THAT life, when he exposes her to HIS life. Which is probably why I’m actually writing this post to start.

While I know and have written at length that Calling Them Out Only Makes it Worse, I also know that seeing something and not saying anything about it is paramount to knowing a “murder” is in play and just guffawing at the news when it’s reported. I’m not about THAT life either.

While I was driving in to work today, I heard a song by Nas that had me hooting and doing the praise dance in my car. I mean, one arm was literally up to the heavens in praise, while my other arm tried desperately to steer. I was in church for 3 minutes and 39 seconds.

For my brothas with daughters I call this… they say the coolest playas, foulest heart breakers– God gets us back he makes us have precious little girls…

I’m not trying to mess your thing up, I just want to see you dream UP…

Nas is basically saying in this song, men have a much more vital role in the raising UP of their daughters than they acknowledge.  Your LIVING example speaks volumes.

Now. I specifically didn’t write a Father’s Day piece because everything I would have written would have been cliche to some degree. Based on what I’ve been seeing in my own experience. And based on what I’ve been seeing within our generation. I’ve been seeing the glamorization of the ugliest aspects of us as a hip hop culture.  No matter what has been said about us for years, my focus has always been on what WE’VE been showing of ourselves. The examples are lain out and are up for our consumption like a lunchtime line at McDonald’s. There’s the misogyny, the arrogance, the disrespect, the violence, the ridiculous materialism, the lyrical poverty, the too much “fake” and not enough “make” mentality and I can go on for weeks. Not till Nas, have I ever really heard a song that addresses what our culture is actually impressing upon our daughters to become. The princesses who become women, who now claim to be about THAT life. Not actually knowing what being about THAT life actually means. They don’t see the path of literal ruin they’re stumbling upon. I suppose no one told them that they have access to a better life. To this LOVE life.  So they stick with THAT one.  I started the NEW Diva’s Guide to the Envyous Life in part, to counteract THAT message. But that’s another post, for another day.

I was saying, I didn’t write a Father’s Day post because I know in my guts that a large majority of men haven’t a clue what being a FATHER actually means. Not in modern times, anyway.  I didn’t want to bash or re-beat that horse to death here. I’m about this LOVE life. I want to encourage people to awesome self rule, not persistently point out which ways they are persistently lacking. BUT. What the lot of these male people miss in the equation of having and rearing daughters is the SHOWING by example. Girls learn what it means to be a WOMAN, not only by what they see in their mothers, but also by who their fathers are AND choose to be with outside of their mothers. Your daughter may have a dope mom, but your daughter learns how she’s lovable by who you’re loving. You have a pattern, in most cases. THAT life that you show your daughter is the same life she wants for herself. Should you choose tacky, unevolved women to couple with, she’ll think tacky and unevolved is how she gains her father’s admiration. THAT life you’re about, is the same life your daughter will represent by way of YOU. Particularly when a father is not around much, a daughter wants to know why and so, she’ll attempt to emulate what she sees will get their father’s attention. The litmus test should always be this. Look who you have your arm around. Would you want your daughter to grow up to be her?

Admittedly, when I sat down to write this evening, THIS was the furthest from my intentions. I looked at it as none of my business–except that part of it is my business, but whatever.  Today, I was to write about belief and visioning, based on an idea I’ve been carrying around and the wonderfully upleveling conversation I had earlier with my sister spirit friend MelRo.  THAT was my intention. THIS came out instead. The after Father’s Day, Father’s Day post I had never wanted to write. Don’t get mad at me. I’m just the messenger.

The funny thing about being of spirit that I’m learning and embracing, is that when spirit calls, my only job is to answer. Period.  We don’t impart change by standing idly on the sidelines. If we about this LOVE life, we do exactly what life itself calls us to do. I’ve mentioned probably 100 times in this forum that life is not about getting what we want. It’s about becoming MORE. That means, for all intents and purposes, WE have to begin to let our bulljank fall away and allow every aspect of our lives to reflect who we are designed to be. WE do this for ourselves, sure. But we also do it for those coming UP behind us. Particularly those we brought onto this planet. Which life we choose to be “bout” may seem trivial to us as we play it out daily, but it is a reflection of who we think we are in reality. And who we think we are, can be a detriment to ALL of our bigger pictures. To not address it, even when its the elephant in the room, is a dastardly mistake. For the ALL of us who populate this planet.

I wrote earlier that I’m about this LOVE life. I reflect it and embody it and want my daughter to see it and feel it in everything I am. I don’t have her around anyone who isn’t bout THIS life I’m about. Because that would be showing her a duality that isn’t real to what I want for her. I’ve known since she was in my womb that the “life” I was living before her, wouldn’t be the “life” I wanted her to have. So I changed. I grew. I evolved. AND continued to take the most difficult path I could, because I believed her life to be THE most precious, valuable thing in my care. She has been around ZERO duds. I don’t want that for me, so I certainly don’t want her to think a mediocre man is worth her time. The only men she has ever seen me with have been exceptional. Are they fyyyyne? Sure. But they’re also intelligent, creative, non-pedestrian, decent human beings who are worthy of her introduction. It’s a slow process, believe me. While I could keep arm candy in my life and have the love life of Aphrodite, because of my standards for Aubrei, my having a love (or a sex) life has become like applying for a PhD program. Any ole body ain’t got the chops for it. You can best believe the man who finds their way into Aubrei and my very awesome cipher will be about THIS Life and will reflect the kind of male person she will be blessed to find when she’s of age herself.

While women have a strong role in the raising UP of our daughters, male people who have daughters have to understand that if you’re not with the women you’ve had kids with, your daughters are still looking to you for examples of who they are. If you keep women “bout THAT life” in your revolving relationship door, you’re essentially expressing inadvertently to your daughters that you’re “bout THAT life” too. Which can’t possibly play out any way but in a “life” of ruin. Don’t take my word for it. Look around. So. What “life” are YOU about?

The moral of this story? Hmmm. I dunno. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “be about that LOVE life” blessings. Love, -e-