Well, not really. In fact, I’m actually surprised. I can think of NO major drama in my life (save for my grandmother’s passing) in the last month and a half or so. I mean, yeah, the news has been WTF NUTS of late, but that’s not my life. My life, it seems, has become a bit on the “settled” side. Am I blissful? Uh, not really. However, I can say with some amount of emphasis that everything is cool. No BD drama–AT ALL. Cool. No male people issues–AT ALL. Cool. No family drama. No housing issues. No financial fiascos. I haven’t had a flat tire in like–I dunno–(knock on wood).
Now that I think about it, life for me lately has been *gasp* uneventful. Not to say that nothing good has happened, cause that’s not true. Stuff has happened. But seemingly good or bad, I haven’t been compelled to lose my mind over it–which is odd for a type A- personality such as myself. It’s “almost” scary. To not have ANYTHING to complain about. I say it’s “almost” scary because like you, probably somewhere in the back of my head I’m like: “Okay, my life’s too quiet. When’s the other shoe gonna drop?” But you know what? I don’t even really feel that way anymore. I feel a bit more free than I ever have. Like I’ve been walking around with a plastic bag over my face for like two years and finally, the bag is lifted and I can breathe. Like I’ve finally figured out that the bag was there because I put it there and I had the power all along to take it off.
I’ve been looking back at a lot of things I didn’t think I would ever get through these past two years. It’s funny because even what I thought were my mistakes at the time, actually put me closer to where I am right now. The fact that as many times as I’ve had my heart broken by circumstances and people and situations. The times when I was literally screaming at the sky or a wall or my vision board in utter distress from all the pain I had let well up. All the disappointment I had held on to. All the setbacks I had no control over. All the things I didn’t have that I thought I should.
I’m giggling a little now because I can see myself a heck of a lot more clearly. I’ve been a witness to how God and the universe works in my life particularly. I can say whole heartedly that even during my darkest moments, I’ve been cared for. Every time my car broke down, I had the money to fix it. Every time there was a setback, something better came up or… it was for a really gooooood reason. Every time a need arose, it was taken care of, without my even needing to ask. One stream of income ended, and another began. My bills have been paid. My child well cared for. New opportunities presented themselves. Every single thing that I’ve done, has brought me closer to the next thing that I’m to do. I think a part of the drama that once was in my life, was mostly about getting me to see what’s for me–without actually having to see it. If that makes any sense. No vision and the people perish, right? That’s ever more true for me now. Seeing sometimes has little to do with your eyes and everything to do with what burns in your soul.
Sometimes the grand picture is a bit fuzzy, but the more I let go and let God, the less I really need to see. I can act on my knowing what I’m here to do and let the rest, like Nikka Costa said once in song, “fall in my hands”.
I can say also that I’ve learned some of my greatest lessons about what’s possible in life during my darkest moments. Now that my own long dark night is mere moments from greeting light of the brightest calibre, I’ve learned to appreciate everything that I have, rather than focusing on all that I don’t. Because when we’re broken down to our very bare essentials and look around with clear eyes, we can see that we ALWAYS, always, always have everything we need.
The moral of this story. As usual, no rightly idea. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and Abundant “drama-less” blessings! Love, -e-