I’m having a grumpy day. There is no real reason why my day should be grumpy. I met a new friend who is turning out to be not just an ally in my life’s work, but who is also an amazing person to evolve my life in general with. This person is one of those people who’s own life is a testament to what is possible if you think beyond your circumstances. If you believe beyond what life has handed you and you give more than you expect in return. This person is kindred in consciousness and it’s always a blessing when kindred folk make their way into our lives unexpectedly.
Meanwhile, with all the beauty manifesting around me, I’m grumpy. Again, my life is changing before my eyes and I must admit, it makes me really uncomfortable. Which is weird. I am a creative soul with a lot to give. I often give to the world my creations without any idea about what that may mean for me or for those who experience what I offer up. I just do it because it’s in my heart to do.
The last several years have been trying on my faculties–all of them. I’ve put in so much time and energy on major projects that ended up like static. I’ve produced Television pilots that have not been picked up. I’ve flown half way around the world to meet with interested investors, only for them to tell me my work is at home–first. I sit back sometimes and look at all the adventures I’ve been on the last few years–finishing a speculative fiction novel, a poetry album, two book proposals, creating and contributing to my blog, co-hosting The Mike & Envy Show, writing articles for other folk’s blogs, hosting Love & Love Poems and sooooooo many other things that have happened behind the scenes that would take literally the rest of this post to list. My days have been filled with adventure and creation on all fronts, all while raising a beautiful, brilliant little girl and playing diplomat to the male person who helped create her.
When I really sit back and think about everything I’ve done the last few years, all off the record, it’s literally enough to make me want to take the rest of the year off whilest throwing my hands up in sigh formation. I AM TIRED! And yet, I know I have so much more work to do. I know that I’m at the brink of something just up the road and this, my final mile to the watering station is the longest mile I may have to trudge through.
I often look around me at my peers who are all so amazing in their own right and so driven and on purpose and I ask them, “what do you do when you know you have further to go and you’re just not sure if you have enough fuel left to get to the next phase? What do you do when even though you think you’re sure about what you’re here to accomplish, but it’s happening either waaaaay to slow or not seeming to happen at all? What do you do when you’re giving your absolute all and you don’t yet see the fruits or even blossoms on the trees you’ve been growing for years? What do you do when you want to give up?”
It’s like a resounding chorus when I ask these questions aloud to my peers and silently to my ancestors. “Keep on Keeping on!!!” Is what they say to me. “Keep on Keeping on Envy McKee.”
Our conversations here on this blog are often reflective aren’t they? I try to use the experiences I have in my own life as a sounding board for you–my friends in this journey– to take with you in your lives as food for thought, in case you may need a little nourishment along the way.
A lot of times for me, just being able to have this outlet is a therapeutic co-counseling experience for me (as my new friend would say). A lot of times, it’s a way to get some of my life off of my chest and make peace with whatever it is that threatens to drag me down and out and forget who I truly am designed to be.
I’m writing this post in this moment not only to share with you what’s been on my heart, but also to thank you for being on this journey with me. I appreciate having this vehicle to speak my heart to you with. I appreciate all of you who listen to The Mike & Envy Show on Wednesday evenings @ 6pm. I appreciate those of you who support my events and who request my presence at your own. I appreciate this gift I’ve been given of creative writing and poetry and for those of you who read what I have been compelled to write.
I have learned two great lessons in my journey thus far, beyond finding room for patience in an impatient world. Gratitude and Connectivity. No matter what the world around us looks like, no matter what our circumstances. No matter how we feel about any given moment, gratitude is how we continually open ourselves to more. Giving thanks for what we have is how we grow it. And, we are all connected. Every single person we know or have yet to meet is a part of our lives for a divine right reason. Even if they suck. We all have a role to play in each other’s lives. We are all peers some how and even our smallest contributions can mean the world to someone we may never meet.
I say all of this to say just this one thing. We have a long and tiring road ahead of us. We all were born here of a divine purpose. There are people who need us to be our absolute best and though it may appear to us that our contributions to the world go unnoticed, they never do. Someone sees. Someone hears. Someone receives and if our being able to smile or give love or share a life experience or “keep on keeping on”, on a day that makes us grumpy–gives hope to someone in need– our tireless work has not been in vain.
The moral of this story? I can’t call it. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “keep on keeping on” blessings. Love, -e-