I’ll admit out loud that I’m a fan of Michael Baisden. Some folks in my age group may not be down, I guess. Not coming at anybody’s neck here, really, there isn’t much else to listen to by way of Philly radio, so. Okay.
So anyway, I was on route to picking up Aubrei from school yesterday and Mike Baisden was having an interesting discussion about women who are celibate and have been for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears. Like 3, 7, 10 years. This one woman had been celibate since 1994 or something crazy like that. O-M-G. really? 1994? I can’t…
Now. I have gone for long stretches in my tenure as a sexually active human being. I lost my virginity late, but I never felt the need to make up for lost time. And so, there have been points in my life that I’ve gone a year, 8 months, 6 months, etc. For varying reasons. The most common reason for me has been not really feeling like being bothered with the common bullshit. Philly is small. I don’t like folk knowing my business. And while I understand that some degree of recycling is going to happen, I have to be choosy about who I share my, uh, business with. I don’t get out of town as much as I like now, and so– It’s so much easier to get my rocks off with my “bliss creating plastic prince” than it is to listen to some dude drag on for hours about stuff I could care less about in order for me to get drunk enough not to care if I wouldn’t call him in the morning. Feel me?
Baisden kept asking these women from all over the country why they’ve gone so long without some lovin’. The general consensus was that the dudes they have to choose from are W-H-A-C-K. I heard from this one woman that most of the guys in her town ain’t smooth enough and don’t know what they’re doing. *SMH* Women from city after city were checking in to speak their laments about their male people choices and how they’d rather NOT have sex if having sex means dealing with the duds. WOW.
Baisden responded to this by saying something like: “Maybe it’s ya’all.” I didn’t flinch. Maybe it is us. Maybe a lot of we women do have our expectations in the “not even close to reality” clouds. Maybe women who want to have sex should lower their standards some. Maybe to do that just wouldn’t be worth it. Maybe, maybe and maybe to so many other things.
The truth of the universe is that women hold ALL the power when it comes to sexual relations. Any woman can have as much sex as she wants, any time she wants, if she so chooses. It don’t matter how she looks or what she’s driving or what kind of job she has. If a woman wants to have sex, she can have it. Forreal. She can get glossed up, walk into any bar/club USA, step stridently up to the cutest guy she sees, strike up a convo and have him home in 15 minutes flat. I’ve never tried it, but I’ve seen it done many times and it’s always a beautifully empowering sight. With this in mind, if all the women in the world shut the cookies down, men would be some frustrated beings, wouldn’t they?
Meanwhile, I have male friends who are getting plenty of sex with plenty of different women–including extra-maritally. Game NOT required. The gist is, when there is a willing woman, all is required is male opportunity. Period. So why is it that soooooooo many women are simply NOT getting it in? I’ll have to assume the male opportunity is not met with woman willingness. We can pontificate on statistics all day long if we so choose. Sure, there are waaaaaay too many men in jail or just out or just about to go back in. Sure, “worldly” dating doesn’t pique everyone’s interest. Sure, probably, maybe a lot more women who now live in Atlanta are starting to recognize how NOT great living there is for being single, heterosexual and female. Excuses, excuses. The facts are the facts. Women hold all the power when it comes to sex. A lot of men are getting it and a lot of women aren’t. What does that say to you class? It says to me that:
A) there are a lot of women in the world who really don’t want sex badly enough and
B) there are a lot of guys out there just dud-esque enough to turn the lot of women who could be sexually active off.
I can vouch for this from experience, mind you. I have this theory called the “Golden Key Principle”. It goes something like this: A woman knows within the first 5 seconds to 5 minutes of meeting a guy if she WOULD have sex with him. At which point, she subliminally gives him a “golden key”. The guy doesn’t know he has it, but she sees it there, lingering over his head like the prize of all prizes. All the guy has to do to release this key into his hands and thus become able to unlock a world of treasure is to NOT FUCK IT UP. By talking waaaaaaaay too much. By talking waaaaaaaaaaaay too much about nothing. By not talking enough. By being an ass. Basically a guy ffffffffs up his chance at the golden key by either doing too much or not being himself up front–being a gamer. Real women smell the game a mile away and most women in their 30’s just don’t have the patience to weed through the crap to get to the heart of the matter. It’s an evolutionary fact that women evolve faster than the majority of male people and when a 30 year old woman is sifting through the banter of a man her same age who is behaving like a 13 year old–the golden key just seems to shrivel before her very eyes. Time and time again. I’m not judging, I’m just saying.
So then you say, well Envy, maybe these women should date older men. Ureeka! Right? Slow down, not so fast. We can talk about sexual peaks here if you like, or how there are quite a few “older” men who also behave like 13 year olds, or if they truly aren’t duds are already married or already on their third wives–whatever.
The truth is–there is a ginormous disconnect going on around male and female people that I believe is now coming to a head. A lot of women continue to evolve, while a lot of men continue not to. Genders roles play a part in this. Expectations. The fact that a lot of women are career women first and play things third. It’s just a lot. It’s a sad day when a gorgeous, successful, spiritually evolved hot mama would rather stay home with her vibrator than go out to rub up against the real thing.
Do we blame it all on the ladies for wanting too much for themselves or do we blame the fellas for not wanting enough? That’s a trick question, so feel free not to dawdle there.
To be honest, I don’t really have an answer to the question of celibacy. I’ve never had an issue getting a man, the issue has always been about wanting what I have to choose from. I too am not one for wasting my time on anything unworthy of me and so I basically keep it moving until I come across someone spectacular. My expectations aren’t so high that I’m silly, but they aren’t so low that I’m settling. There is divinity in me and so, I always attract to me who I am. Always. If this is true for me, I can only imagine it is true for the many thousands of women who choose to keep their cookies to themselves for the time being. Would I go 7 years without the loving touch a fabulous man? HEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL NAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW! But that’s just me. Clearly, that woman don’t like sex nearly as much as I do. Prayerfully, I’ll never have the chance to commiserate with her melancholy. Damn.
The moral of this story? I can’t call it. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and Abundant “please get you some” blessings! Love, -e-