So…. Everything seems to be progressing rather well and rather swiftly with Mr. Gotcha and me. While he and I have not been on date two yet (it’s cool, date one only just happened on Saturday), we’ve spent considerable amount of time on the phone talking. And NOOOO we don’t talk about pointless stuff (all the time). For example, I have no idea if he prefers boxers or briefs. Don’t care. Didn’t ask. I have no idea what his favorite color is. I do care about this actually, but I’ve been too busy asking about his life goals and what makes his heart sing to folly with him about blue or green. I do know his birthdate and sign (he’s a Gemini) and I do know more about him in the course of the last few weeks than I’ve known about any man I’ve dated over the course of years.
It’s amazing what happens when one takes on a “full disclosure” perspective in relationships. What tends to happen is, you leave all bulljank and representatives in the wings and you just go for it—full frontal style. You put it all out there, as though you care not what the other person thinks (even though you kindof do). You simply say: “This is exactly who I am. I can’t change it. If you don’t like it…bitch.boo.bye (I love B. Scott).
With this in mind, Mr. Gotcha and I are on this weird fast track. He seems to be the kind of person I would enjoy spending lots and lots of more time with. We’ve talked about everything from religion to relationship roles. We’ve perused insights on race relations in this country and the ideal sexual connection. We’ve even talked about how he sees his role in the life of a woman with a child.
Which brings me abruptly to the reason for this post. In the past, I don’t think reluctant justifiably covers how I feel about introducing Aubrei to the male people who eavesdrop on my life from time to time. There is this over-protective spirit in me that refuses to get my child involved in my relationship shenanigans. I just refuse. Aubrei has literally met no one I have dated since the time of her birth—besides her father. I have been just about militant with regard to introducing her to anyone else—outside of work and such.
Now understand, when I put my foot in something, I’m good for keeping my foot there for worse or for worser. I would hate to introduce Aubrei to someone I think will be around for the long haul, only for him to make moves and she’s left in the middle of a dual heartbreak. My intentions are honorable.
After speaking to a relationship therapist friend of mine, as well as taking cues from…uh…Steve *cough* Harvey’s *cough*book, I have since begun to soften on the idea of at least making an earlier introduction than at the physical marriage alter—which according to some folks, is a tad late.
Steve *cough* Harvey (not a PhD mind you) suggests that making introductions to one’s beaus with one’s children AFTER you think he might be “the one” is too late. Why? Because you’re already invested in having the relationship work out and maybe less likely to end a relationship where he or your kids hate each other or something just ain’t right (runs the gamut, I’m sure).
He also suggests that when a guy physically SEES you as a mother to a child, the reality of the situation sinks in faster. He is forced to see you as more than a sexy uh…package he just wants to open up right quick and can determine straight away if he’s fully down for the commitment at hand with dating and maybe marrying somebody already with a family. In short, he ain’t just committing to me, he’ll be committing to being a father figure to Aubrei as well. If either of them don’t like each other…well, prayerfully, you get the gist.
We have all heard (seen, or experienced) horror stories of both men and women who get together with someone who is horrible with children or just don’t like your children in particular, or all your kids don’t get along with all their kids and everything is just wrong. Folks still stay together and get married everyday despite these circumstances? Uh huh. (i.e.– the evil step-mother/step-sisters combination circa Cinderella and The Evil Stepfather *the movie*) Let’s be clear. I’m not that chic. I’ll wait.
So, Mr. Gotcha and I have had the conversation already about when the appropriate time to meet Aubrei happens (I brought it up). He said that he’s down for whenever. I’m still not sure when whenever makes sense. I already like him. I already like what he stands for and represents as a human being and potential uh… Okay, so, I have no idea if he’s “the one”, but we’re moving in that direction fairly quickly. I personally would like to get a few more dates in before I make any decision about it at all. Sure. I’m procrastinating. But then again, I brought it up.
The fact that we’ve already had the conversation and I’m even considering the prospect of the possibility of introducing him to Aubrei is what is actually amazing in all of this. Although, it can only be considered a freak of my nature when and if it actually happens. Plus, I don’t really want to make a big to do about it. I’m a fan of authentic experiences. I believe authentic experiences are a natural part of human existence and when we try to force stuff, it tends to send our lives in weird and often unnecessary spirals.
Of course, I can’t slow down a process that is happening by itself between us, quite effortlessly (at this point, it’s go or stop). Of course, I’d like to see where everything goes with us, BEFORE I get my child caught up in it. Of course, I’d be interested to see how he handles himself around my little handful and to see if he’s STILL down to hang out after he fully understands the magnitude of the TWO little handfuls he’ll be taking on if he insists upon continuing on this path. AND, of course, I still have no answer to my question about when is the right time to make the introduction.
As with everything else in my life, I’m almost positive the time will be just right, exactly when the time is just right and not one minute before. At least, that’s what I’m hoping.
The moral to this story? I can’t call it, but I am certainly open to some ideas. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “when it’s right” blessings! –e-
P.S. I do abundantly appreciate all of you who regularly read and look forward to my blog posts! With that in mind, don’t be a stranger. While I understand for some of you, reading ‘The Envy McKee Show’ blog is just a matter of being a fly on the wall of my crazy “reality show-esque” life experiences. Some of you are old friends who have become like family simply through the sharing of our kindred experiences. Some of you tripped and fell on to this page, are new to this blog and have no idea who I am or what you’re getting yourself into. Whatever the case, I love to hear from you. Please feel free and open to post your comments and give me your insights on the stuff I write about. You know I love a good dialogue.
Of course, if you have questions for me specifically or would like to offer suggestions on what you’d like to see more of on ‘The Envy McKee Show’ Blog, I am totally accessible via e-mail: envy@envymckeecom-1b97bc.ingress-alpha.easywp.com.
P.S.S. A few of my new friends have asked that I start a sort of ‘Dear Envy’ section to my blog for people with questions about any range of subject matter. I don’t claim to be an expert on any one thing, but every now and again, I get some things right. Plus, I do have an arsenal of brilliant professional type friends I can call upon in a bind. If you’d like to strike up a conversation about something that’s going on your “reality show-esque” life, I’m sure we’d all love to share a bit of our “cents” with you. We are, after all, all in this thing together. E-mail your questions to: envy@envymckeecom-1b97bc.ingress-alpha.easywp.com.
Until then…