*British Accent* True love. Pfff. I mean, yay! On last Friday, we got to see a real live prince marry a real live Princess didn’t we? What could be more fitting to address a topic that covers the spans of all of our minds than love and fairy tales? AND by way of proximity to all known fairy tales there must by some account include a castle—and British accent.
It all starts there doesn’t it? The fairy tale? Every little girl dreams of the fairy tale. And so love for all of us has become this harrowing quest to live the fairy tale– that there is a prince charming and she is a princess and all the dreaming is actually worth the expense and heartbreak that comes before and after, because all fairy tales hold one thing for certain—a happy ending. And not the kind that comes after a massage sometimes. The kind that keeps us adamant to fill our own daughters heads with these same fairy tales, so that she too will grow up disillusioned when she realizes that the fairy tale was actually written a million years ago by some British person who for all intents and purposes had absolutely nothing else to do at the time.
What some of us actually come to realize as we mature is that the fairy tale isn’t actually what we’re after. What we’re actually after is a more personal satisfaction than can be prescribed in a story we tell our children at night before bed. Yes, we may all want to live the dream, but more likely than not, our dream is way more different than the life that Cinderella, Snow White or Sleeping Beauty had going on. Our dream unfolds differently. Our prince looks nothing like Prince Charming and he hasn’t the ability to save us from a damned thing—not even ourselves—no matter how many ways we try to bury our lives underneath his.
“Eat, Pray, Love.” I had the joy and weird pleasure to watch the movie based entirely on Elizabeth Gilbert’s world traveling experiences in search for self and balance in life, love and soul. The story told in Eat, Pray, Love is not so different than the things I’ve been going through in my own life of late and bares witness to the themes of change that have been going on in my blog. It’s funny that I found this movie again after finding myself interested in it when it was first released last year, but never prying myself away from my ever overly complicated life to actually go see it. It crossed my mind a time or two to buy the book and partake in Gilbert’s personal expression via one of my favorite pasttimes—reading—but for whatever reason—I never did.
Every now and again, I’ll decide that my brain hurts and so I’ll seek a form of shut down through watching somebody else’s accounts of life and finding ways out of no ways. With all of that said, I got through half of Eat, Pray, Love the other night and then it was time for bed.
I got to the part where Julia Robert’s character was in Italy about to explore a Roman ruin– Mausoleum of Augustus – The burial place of Emperor Augustus. In this scene her character says “Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation”.
Ahhhh. Transformation. What a mesmerizing concept. The official definition of transformation is the following: the operation of changing (as by rotation or mapping) one configuration or expression into another in accordance with a mathematical rule; especially : a change of variables or coordinates in which a function of new variables or coordinates is substituted for each original variable or coordinate. I think this means in laypersons terms. Change. And a change in such a way that any old way still lingering doesn’t fit into the equation anymore. Becoming like new and all that implies. This concept has been the theme of so many of more recent posts it’s actually uncanny.
The parallels of The story going on in Eat, Pray Love and my own journey is also uncanny. I began this personal series of change in February with an innate need to fix my food. I started with Dr. Junger’s Cleanse program for 5 weeks. (EAT) I found myself at a Gazing by way of Bratzo looking for a miracle (Pray) and now I suppose this next part of my journey is to discover love. Uck.
I only came to this realization because of the movie in part, but also, when I woke up this morning at the ungodly time I do, I had this compelling notion to check my horoscope. I read the in depth kind one would find at astrologyzone.com. For whatever reason, this month for me is supposedly all about true love. Not career, not overcoming life strife. Just about every single line in my reading talked about being open and out and about enough to cross paths with my true love. Word. And really?
Honestly, I haven’t given all that much thought to the matter. Admittedly, my heart was broken into so many unmanageable pieces with Aubrei’s dad—and not really all his fault mind you—that I’ve set out on this quest of freedom and independence from love and all it’s erratic behaviors. I’ve been searching emphatically for a life that gives me joy, allows me to be the best parent and person I can be for my daughter, gives me freedom from the dominantly negative people who happen populate my existence by way of birth and with all that said—is a life that is really and truly mine.
Not my parents. Not my siblings. Not my jobs. Not my friends. Mine. A life that I charter. A life that does not bare witness to the ideosyncracies that have been around in people since well before I was born. It’s not about princesses in wait and princes charging on white steeds to save me. It’s about being a champion of my own destiny and being free enough to allow life and the universe to have it’s way with me and through me—as Dr. Beckwith is known to say.
All of these things, of course, and more is why this topic is on deck. I had to wonder to myself—what is true love exactly? What does my true love look like?
Is it a man whose eyes and mine meet across a crowded lounge and at first glance, we’re both smitten enough to set off on a quest of passion that somehow has to include my little one in tow? Um…awkward. Is it bumping into someone I’ve known for years and who now more graceful with age and experience on him, knows how to approach me in a way that is “just so” for my sensibilities? Or is he my dream man from Freshman year in college, the man that I’ve never met nor will I probably—a man of legend that I fantasized about and wrote stories and poetry for as a young woman on my earliest quest in search of satisfaction in love—before I was even allowed to indulge in it in any tangible way? Are any of these scenarios what my horoscope says I should be out and about to find?
Honestly, I have to say, I hope not. Honestly, I have to say, although I have the word love tattooed now on my hip. It’s there mostly as a symbol of what’s possible with a consciousness attitude in mind. In the way that we LOVE mankind as we LOVE ourselves. It’s not there to signify the craziness that I’ve experienced when in relationships with other people. Honestly, I have to say that as bright as I am, as loving and giving as I am. As hopeful that I am that I was not designed for no reason and that there is no possibility that GOD would design me so uniquely without keeping in mind an ideal partner for me. Honestly, I have to say out loud that I still am not clear, entirely on what true love is or looks like for me. I think I may get the general gist, but I have yet to see it in others in the way that I would want to see it in my own life.
True love to me is much more than passion. It’s much more than great sex and connectivity. It’s much more than being able to communicate in venus-ese versus mars-ese or whatever the theme is about men and women’s inability to understand each other via speaking in English. It’s much more than being able to create a family or living together practically. True love is something else entirely to me—it’s this ideal that I think I’ll know when I see it. And yet, having never seen it—definitely NOT with my own parents. Definitely NOT in my own life. Why would I be such a fool as to believe that it actually exists. Outside of a Hollywood movie.
And then, I suppose, that’s what makes this discussion so compelling. We’re all in search of it, and yet… we find ourselves on long journeys and quests seeking something that may actually be right under our noses. Quite literally. It looks back at us in the mirror and we ignore him or her on a daily basis—looking, I gather, for something beyond what we’ve seen. Something or someone better than we. Maybe, I’m beginning to think—our search for true love should begin with that person looking at us in the mirror. Maybe, once we can see it in ourselves, we’ll be ready to see it in another. But then again, it could be just me believing in my own version of fairy tales.
The moral of this story? No idea. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “eat, pray, love” blessings. Love, -e-
Question: What do YOU think true love is? What does true love look like to you? Have you found true love in your own life? Do you believe true love exists? Or is it really just a part of the fairy tale?