Did you hear that loud and clear guys? You didn’t? Allow me to “say” it again. Male people are “needy”. Hahahahaaaaaaaa! Yesterday on the internet radio version of this blog, “The Envy McKee Show” (you’re probably listening to it now…) I hosted a show called “The Ladies’ Dish”. It was a show designed specifically to clear up a few things that have been getting in the way of progress by way of our loving relationships. I got a few of my fabulous diva friends together in a “room” and we chatted at relatively short length about how we really feel about the state of our relationships, the double standards, our supposed successful woman “bitch” persona, and yes, the 1950’s-esque mindset that keeps lingering around in our thought waves AND our households.
The conversation was real, honest, refreshing, well-rounded and completely not at all skewed around male-bashing. What is was– was literally 6 women sitting in a room telling the world wide world the things that are really in our hearts and in a brilliant, honest, loving way. THE absolute funniest moment in the show I thought was when the discussion necessarily had to state the obvious: “Men are needy”. Hahahaaaaaa! I didn’t say it. One of my fellow divas did and the mood in the room was in resounding agreement. Male people are needy. We probably could have ended the show there because it’s the truth…and I laughed so hard…
I was laughing because with that simple, honest, not meant to be hurtful statement–It was like the whispering between all the women in the world had stopped and somebody finally said it out loud. It’s a truth that a lot of male people simply don’t want to hear. Male people are needy. We can wax poetic for days about what’s wrong with our relationships–“He don’t do this.” “She ain’t about that.” blah, blah, and blah. But the truth of the universe is, while ALL people have mucho work to do by way of evolving the state of our relationships to be less cookie cutter across the board bullshit that ain’t working–we have to keep in mind that in a male dominated society, where male people have had the luxury of being catered to by women for eons…and women are now coming into their own…the fact of the matter is men aren’t USED to being equal partners in relationships. They’re USED to being deemed the “King” of their “Castle” and thus being taken care of in many subtle and unsubtle ways by their women types.
It’s the way it’s always been. “Honey, does this tie go with this suit?!” “Honey, do you know where my black socks are?” “Honey did you see my golf clubs?” “Honey, can you make some dip and stuff? The fellas are coming over.” “Honey…” The laundry, the house keeping, the child rearing, the sex initiating, the entertaining, the communication initiation. Dinner on the table when they come home from a long day. Kids clothed, fed and ready for bed. Being listened to, stroked, cajoled, massaged, “the royal penis is clean”–whatever. Be it their mama, their baby mama, their live in, their girlfriend or their wife. The woman in their lives is expected to take care of them (money irrelevant). If this ain’t happening, to these male persons–there is something very wrong with that woman. They’ve lost their place, their way, their role in the lives of “their” man.
I laughed a hearty laugh hearing “men are needy” because I thought about my day. Every single day actually, and the male people I come in contact with. The incessant demands. The whiny, entitlement. OM(F)G. I’m always hearing from men about needy women, but clearly some male folk have not taped and played back a singular conversation with themselves. I find that hilarious. Truly pricelessly funny.
For example, I was standing behind a group of men who were placing fish orders @ the market and it was like watching rocket scientists trying to split atoms. They were so specific about how they wanted their order to be–changing their minds every three breaths. That signature demand-y/whiny tone with the counter person. It was exhausting. Their fish just had to be this specific way or their world would simply crumble into little bitty pieces on the floor in front of them. Meanwhile, this woman walked up to the counter and said, “I’ll take that gorgeous piece of wild salmon, right there in the front”. Thank you. And done.
The truth is guys…some of ya’all are needy. And hellified demanding. And a bit micro-managing. I mean, granted, it’s not your fault really. Your mothers’ raised you that way. Society made you that way. Your current girlfriend or wife keeps you that way. How can it be any other way when the world tells you–you are the center of all that is right and strong and perfect and powerful in the world and the woman’s place is your pleasure? How can you believe that you should lift a finger besides making sure the bills are paid if all you are told in every aspect of your existence is–that’s your job?–Make the bacon. And the woman’s job is every other thing else?
Granted, some of ya’all don’t really think breadwinner is an actual factual in your current existence, but that’s a whole nother post for a whole nother day. I digress.
The point here dears is that while women today have a lot going on and a lot of work to do in finding our way to balancing being career women and great partners in relationships, guess what? So do you. Unfortunately, 1956 is like 55 years ago and what applied as the norm then is NOT the norm now. You can blame women for the state of our relationships if you want, but the truth is, you’re just not used to holding an equal amount of weight.
Of course, some of you out there are truly progressive thinkers and really truly get it and are doing it. Buuuuuuut, some of you are stuck in an outdated mind wave and some of my sister friends are helping to perpetuate it by way of simple “it’s easier than arguing” acceptance.
I submit to you though that if male people don’t actively take part in their own brain wave evolution, the divorce rate will do nothing more that go up even more. Women can not be expected to hold the same jobs as you, make as much money as you, take care of the babies, cook your meals, keep the house, stroke your ego, rub your feet, cajole your spirit, make sure your carnal side is satisfied, listen to your bullshit, entertain your friends, keep themselves up AND stay sane in this current economy. You, dear ones, are going to have to take up some of that slack. You, dear ones, are going to have to get your cushy butt off of that couch and get to work after work.
The key here is that it’s going to be different for EVERY relationship. You aren’t going to get the blueprint from your friends or your 1956 mind frame thinking mom or dad–because what works (-ed) in their relationship is not supposed to work for yours. You and your life partner are supposed to decide what works for you AND it should be decided –in complete honesty by both parties–long before a “ring” (or “the key”) comes up in conversation. Which means that your representative needs to be retired because his/her deceptive ways are only perpetuating the problem–poor human being communication between loving people.
With that said, YOU are going to have to get over yourselves A LOT male people and stop bitching, whining, moaning and complaining about how wrong and mean and bitter and demanding women are. One (or ten) bad experiences don’t spoil the bunch. The RIGHT woman ain’t hearing that hot mess anyway. The WRONG woman will stroke your *cough* ego until her fingers hurt to get exactly what she thinks she wants at the time and shred your heart into itty bitty pieces if only so you’ll have something else to bitch, whine, moan, and complain about ALLLLLL women for. Quit that. Pick better women. Duh.
Complaining about all that’s wrong with others, my friends, is and has always been a deflection from the inner work that YOU need to do. A wise man once said–“Everybody wants to change the world, but nobody wants to change themselves”. A wise man also said, “the thing you hate most in somebody else is probably the exact thing you need to fix in yourself.”
Male people have been needy for eons and society made that okay. Standard even. Women have to fit in a specific box and male people get to do what they want with little consequence. I don’t need to run down examples, ya’all know exactly what it is.
It’s now 2011 though– all of that hot mess is… um…it’s…well…it’s…not really very manly. Not to me anyway. It’s time for us to redefine what being a “real” man looks like. I suspect it will look a lot like a guy who is strong, capable, communicative, an individual, a team player with loads of love and support that he literally pours on his family. I suspect this man works with “his” woman in their relationship as a team–defining TOGETHER what that team looks like for their specific relationship and mutually works toward an awesome life TOGETHER–making FAMILY their primary goal. I also suspect it will look different for everybody and in every relationship.
That my amazing progressively thinking male people is #awesome!!!
The moral of this story? Really? Have we been properly introduced? You know I have not one. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “go team!” Blessings. Love, -e-