It has been waaaaaaay too long. I mean. I could go through the list of all the things I’ve been up to that has kept me from being more “blog connected”, and yet, if you follow my Instagram, Facebook or Twitter with any amount of emphasis, you’ll get the gist. I’ve been busy. Like championing my second Tough Mudder and proofing a book busy. Meanwhile, whenever I think about the place where my whirlwind journey started, I look lovingly upon this website and know it was here.
I’ve worked through so many debacles and charged through fears, right here. I was broken to bits and reborn, right here. I’ve shared everything from political rants to stomach failings, right here. I’ve outed horrible relationships and highlighted awesome ones–right here. This blog has been my home and my reality show since 2008 and it’s always bitter sweet when I smell change brewing in the air.
I remember how excited I was when I first updated my original blog, not but a year and some change ago. It was such an adventure to commission and style my very first really real own website that represented me in every authentic way. And yet, as with all change, it comes up again quickly. You really can smell in the air like a pending rain storm. It smells sweet like blooming flowers and damp like the soil those blooms spring from. In the Spring the rain is warm with possibilities. In the Winter it’s cold like chilling bones.
…whenever I think about the place where my whirlwind journey started, I look lovingly upon this website and know it was here.
Forgive the melancholy vibe of this post. I’m a bit full today because I’m looking around in my life at all the things that have manifested and fallen away since I started this journey five years ago. It’s so amazing to see how every single thing I’ve needed in this journey thus far, came to me with such ease and grace exactly when I needed it. And then some things simply fell away when I no longer needed them. Some things weren’t actually things. They were people. It’s amazing to savor fully how connected we all are in each of our journeys. By no means am I saying that anything, particularly people, are disposable. I’m simply saying that we each hold a purpose in each of our continuing conversations. Sometimes those conversations are long ones, sometimes they’re small talk. Meanwhile, the experience is always valuable, no matter what we happen to be talking about at the time.
Once upon a time, I would have seen people or things leaving my experience and would see in kind, emptiness. I would have found blame or excuses or even ill will about things that happen in divine order. I don’t see that emptiness anymore. I see room. I see space to fill. I see limitless possibility and the charge for change. I see trust that everything that happens in my life is friendly. I see that everything is for me, so no thing can be against me. When change brews, I know awesome is brewing with it. I’ve so much practice with this by now, I don’t hope its true, I’ve already experienced that it is.
Near the end of last week, I had one of those frustrated conversations with my bedroom wall that I have about once or twice every season. I’ve become so “go with the flow” and accepting of “what may”, that sometimes I take for granted that I do, in fact, have an active role to play in my own unfoldment. Visioning is a really big deal in our lives. It’s part of the holy trinity of our path to awesome. Prayer and Affirmations are not enough. Working out and eating well are not enough to live our truth and fullness. You must also sit your ass down with intention of your purpose and SEE it. You must see your purpose because if you can’t SEE it, you can’t LIVE it. Admittedly, I’ve been all gung ho with my affirmations and eating, but I hadn’t been praying affirmatively and visioning regularly about what I would have my life to be. I was just taking what was handed until I got right frustrated with what was sitting in my lap. Womp.
You must see your purpose because if you can’t SEE it, you can’t LIVE it.
So I had one of those wall yelling sessions with myself and my highest self that morphed into the only tool in my arsenal I actually have anymore. Affirmative prayer. I don’t get to be panic-ed or depressed or even “FU” about stuff in my life anymore. Those tools are outdated for my current experience. The only thing I get is truth, reality and to sit and envision what I would have instead. I spoke my frustrations first, of course, but then from there, instead of being able to feel sorry for myself, I spoke the word. I said out loud that my words cannot return void, that they are my power and I’m using them in this moment to speak the truth. The truth is, all of my needs are met and beyond. The truth is I am abundant in every way that means and in ways I haven’t even discovered yet. The truth is I have these sexy, glossy black wings and I mean to fly the universe with them. The truth is everything I could already want, I already have. All I have to do is put out my hands to receive.
You see, this life we’re living isn’t about getting. It’s about unfolding. What can possibly be added to us that is of any value? WE ALREADY ARE. Once we figure that part out, the receiving of our birthright, becomes far less complicated and we learn to watch, learn and listen to what’s unfolding around us and most importantly, we learn to get out of our own way. I should mention here that what unfolded from my yelling match with my wall were these three powerful and important words (and my core principal for all of my work moving forward): Independent Conscious Media. I’ll tell you more about it in coming posts.
In a few short weeks, my very first novel will hit online and bricks and mortar retailers en masse. Yes!!! It will be available via e-book. Yes!!! I am a published author come June 19th at noon and the feeling is astounding. With a big new project, comes big new everything, so that means it’s also time to update this here blog in order to fit in all of the awesome I have going on in my life. I don’t know why this makes me a little sad. Can’t I just keep things as they are? I got used to it already. But alas… nope. Big things require big change. So now I’m facing the adventure of designing and commissioning a brand new website to go along with the brand new life that is unfolding for me.
Big things require big change.
I’m a loyal soul, I’ll admit. I keep my cars long past ridiculousness. I wear the same jewelry everyday as though they were born with me. I keep friends and lovers literally until the wheels fall off and I’ll stay with a website or a design concept or an idea until either the universe smacks me in the head with “uh…naw” or it just stops making logical sense. Either way, if you’ve been good to me, I stick with you, so it’s always a challenge for me to admit out loud that it’s time to upgrade. I don’t have the same issues that most folk have where they think inanimate objects don’t have feelings and such. I may not believe in Santa Claus, but I do think my car is a “person”. But whatever. Change gone come. In fact, change is the only constant. Why be afraid of it? Right? Why not embrace it? In fact, why brace yourself, when you can learn to surf and catch a gnarly wave instead? Therein lies the joy and bruises of being an agile life explorer. When life is an adventure, the only thing that actually makes sense is the occasional social experiment and the pending expedition…
Life is always going to be everything we think it is and desire it to be. Life is modifiable only in what we choose to impress upon it. When we decide we’re rich and vibrant, life meets us at the crossroads with our truth. But only when we decide. Only when we choose it to be true. The question then becomes, what do you choose to choose? Change is gone come. When you smell it in the air like rain, do you run because you’re afraid you’ll melt… or do you dance in it because you know, instinctively, like a mighty Stargazer Lily–after the rain you bloom…
So. I wrote all of that poetic hooey above to get you ready for some really big changes that are unfolding for us all in coming weeks. The first of many awesome things to come is the release of The Stellar Trilogy, Book 1: Among Us, at noon on June 19, 2013. It’s a story that I’ve been writing for years and it has evolved as I have. I really am crazy excited and I know that once you’ve read it, you’ll understand why. It turns out, it’s a story about self-discovery. Which happens to be a story we all write while we yet breathe. So. Keep your eyes and ears peeled for that ditty.
Life is always going to be everything we think it is and desire it to be. Life is modifiable only in what we choose to impress upon it.
AND shortly thereafter watch out for my new blog series “My Vegan Summer”, which starts on June 21, 2013–at the start of Summer Solstice of all things. I was a vegetarian once upon a time (for 15 years), but I haven’t been for 7 years. I’m the healthiest now that I’ve ever been (let’s be clear), and I’m not saying I’m going back, per say. I’m simply doing a social experiment for the course of the summer in the realm of the life of a maybe vegan. This series will highlight my experiences, I’ll share recipes, and even visit vegan places and interview vegan people in my life exploratory travels in pursuit of my/our most awesome life possible. If you’re saying right now “you got that one Envy because I could never be vegan.” No worries. I’m doing all the work for you. Pfff.
So. With those two things set up (with a pile of other awesome stuff in the pipeline), I’ll bid you adieu here. Just keep in the back of your mind that a new web site, the full speed ahead version of The Envy McKee Show Web.0 and a new book project is on the horizon. Stay tuned my loves, when change comes it comes really, really, really awesomely BIG. The moral of this story? I can’t call it. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “change is the only constant” blessings.
Love,
-e-