I’ve been pondering what this little ditty is designed to offer by way of insight for at least the last week. “You WILL Be Tested” has been ringing in my ears like one of those gongs that nobody knows how to make shut up. I’m not saying this is a good or bad thing. I’m just saying it won’t shut up. Normally, I’ll hear a post idea in my head and I’ll know pretty instinctively what I’m supposed to write about. The post can transform a lot from start to finish, but generally, I have a mental map of where I’m headed. Sometimes a title comes to mind and not much else at that time. In these cases I’ll entertain what the title may mean for me and/or look particularly closely at the things happening in my life to see if what I’m designed to write about has already happened or is on route. I tend not to stress about it either way. I know whatever it is that’s supposed to come out will find her way when she’s ready. Meanwhile, I just go about my life.
Whereas, last week’s offering was born out of days of writing a slew of other posts to near completion– about completely different topics– until I came to the one that “allowed” me to finish it. (That was a hilarious turn of events, I might add.) This week, as I write this, I’m still not entirely sure what the end result of this post is designed to be. I mean, seriously. I’ve had the title for a week and I was sort of led to sit and write this evening, but I have zero idea what I’m supposed to write about. I have a general idea of what “you will be tested” means for me– I’ve been tested quite a bit this week. But those things aren’t culminating into a concrete story line, as they would normally. I’m actually, as I type this, being directed to stay open and write whatever comes to mind. I’m sure that by now you’re thinking: “What in the what Envy?! I’m reading this and you don’t know what this post is even about?! That don’t even sound like it makes sense.” No worries love, read on. I’m positive there’s something to this. I just haven’t been told what it is yet. We’ll get to it. Let’s just flow with the go, shall we?
Funny though. I’ve become quite used to the process of “flowing with the go”. Riding the wave, so speak. Working from insight to insight–sometimes very blindly. Believing that anything I’m asked to do is meaningful work and I’m fully equipped for the task, no matter what it looks like. Believing with every fabric of my being that everything I experience in this life is for me and NOTHING is against me– as long as I go WITH the flow of life and not against it. It’s the greatest act of trust you can perform with life to be totally in the dark and only able to see where you are and a few steps in front of you. To trust and believe that your highest self knows exactly where to go and how to get you there in one piece. You don’t need physical eyes that way. All that’s required is good old fashioned faith. Yes. Even mustard seed size will do. Admittedly, that right there is a practice all its own.
… the greatest act of trust you can perform with life is to be totally in the dark and … To trust and believe that your highest self knows where to go.
With that in mind, imagine being told your whole life that you are the actual clumsiest person on the planet. Then imagine being asked to walk the highest tight rope on the planet. Plus, you’re fairly certain you’re afraid of heights. So. You’re on the one end of the tight rope. Not far from where you’re standing, there are hungry lions roaring and making their approach in super slow (how much does this suck right now?!) fashion. On the other side of the tight rope, you can clearly see Angels singing and dancing and partying their wingspans off. Oh yeah. Plus there’s food. Like the feast of legend. All the good stuff is on the other side of this dang on tight rope. Of course, you have no interest in meeting up with what’s going on behind you. Of course, you’d much rather be chillin’ with the angels playing harps and doing The Dougie and chowing down on what happens to be ALL of your most fave foods. Something in you tells you that you can make it across safely. You breathe a little bit until something in you tells you to look and see if there’s a safety net. You don’t see one. FUUUURCK. You look again, as far down as you can squint. You think there might be one, but you can’t see it. Besides, at the height you’re up, a safety net wouldn’t save you from a damned thing.
Okay so now you’re panicking. The lions are on your heels. Their presence is making you clearly uncomfortable. But before you can fully lose it, there’s this small, still voice rising in you telling you that you can do it. In fact, you were born to do it. All you have to do is decide to do it. So. You hear this voice and something in you wants to believe what the voice says is true. You can get across. So you start to get hype. You start doing that boxer in the ring jumpy thing. You start the process of plugging in. You begin to take that first step onto the rope, until… you remember that you’re the actual clumsiest person on the planet. The notion smacks you in the dome like a brick in full velocity winds. You think, “How in the holy hot stinking mess am I going to get across this rope being as clumsy as I am?! I’m the actual clumsiest person on the planet for God’s sake!” Welp. That small, still voice inside you keeps saying you can. From here, you have three choices. 1) Decide you can’t do it and resign to be people jerky for the hungry lions smacking their lips behind you. 2) Decide you maybe might could do it if you can only figure out how to master your terrible clumsiness. Oh and your fear of heights or 3) Get still. Find Peace in the situation. Decide emphatically that you are not clumsy at all. In fact, decide that you’re the most dopest, balancing-est, can do it with your eyes closed, tight rope walking-est person on the planet. Plus, decide what you plan to put on your plate when you get to the other side.
How many times in our lives, when faced with scenarios that look sucky from front to back, have we instinctively chosen option 3? Seriously now. Come on, tell the truth. So we’ll all agree, option 3 isn’t always our first choice. In fact, panic often is. Sure, we’ll go… eventually. If the lions get close enough. But if what’s in front of us appears, for all intents and purposes, to be a tight rope and we weren’t trained since the age of 12 at the Parisian Circus School for Tight Rope Walkers, we may look back at the lions like it may might be a reliable option. It’s not often that at first glance we see being faced with an experience we’re unfamiliar with as a vital part of our journey that we’re actually prepared to conquer in all of our awesomeness. Most times we see these new experiences as out of our comfort zone and not worth the bother.
… you have three choices. 1) Decide you can’t do it… 2) Decide you maybe might could do it if… or 3) Get still. Find Peace in the situation. Decide emphatically that you are …the most dopest…
This is what going with the flow of life can feel like at times. We haven’t been taught to trust our most authentic selves to lead us through to where we’re designed to go. The lot of us haven’t the foggiest clue what moving toward our purpose feels like or how waiting for an insight works. We view life as though it exists to beat us up about everything we want. We see really high tight ropes everywhere we look. We resolve if we have no experience with tight ropes, there’s no way to get across safely, so we’ll stay firmly where we are until the stakes get way too high to not try. Meanwhile, a tight rope is only tricky to walk across if you already decided that you can’t. You don’t know if you can’t, of course, because you never tried. AND most of us typically decide the worst first.
If you’ve ever seen a tight rope performance at the circus, you’ve probably seen the process that happens before the performer even begins. They breathe. They center themselves. They get still. I have no clue what’s happening in their heads before they walk across that rope, but I’m positive it has nothing to do with: “I’m about to fall! I’m about to crash to my death!!! OMG this is my last moment on Earth! Don’t look down!! Doooon’t Looooook Doooooown!”
I’m thinking for ease and grace purposes they probably say things like: “I am perfectly balanced. My body is light as a feather. I’m a master at this. I am divinely protected. I am designed for triumph. This is the show of my life! This is fuuuunnn!” I also think before they start, they visualize themselves on the other side, safe, happy and cheering their own victory. Maybe they see themselves doing The Dougie with a wee bit more rhythm than say, Gabby Douglas after she took the Olympic Gold. I don’t imagine they bother to look down. I don’t imagine they bother about what’s behind them. It makes the most sense that they stay their eyes to where they’re headed. Knowing already they’re designed to get there.
We face face life stuff with fear mostly. Meanwhile, a tight rope is only tricky to walk across if you already decided that you can’t.
Of course, that kind of confidence comes with practice. Prior to being able to walk the mother of all tight ropes, they started with the little bitty baby one that was bout a foot off the ground. As they mastered the baby jawn, they were able to move up with some swag to the ones that were higher up. As they got dope at the higher ones, they practiced on the really high ones that “require” safety nets. Once they mastered those and got really swag-a-licious with it, that tight rope could be across the Grand Canyon and they could still ride a flipping bike across that thing, peddling with one toe and without breaking a sweat. Safety net? Pfff. You couldn’t fit one under the Grand Canyon anyway. Allegedly.
Tight ropes are an awesome metaphor for life, particularly life tests. I’ve discovered that life is about gaining experiences that make us utterly awesome at things we think we can’t do. It’s about waking up to the truth of who we are, why we’re here and what we are designed to accomplish on this planet. The more practice we get with trusting that everything that happens in our lives is designed to teach us something fundamental about ourselves, the less stress we find when we happen to meet up with “go with the flow” moments that look an awful lot like a tight rope. Oh, you will be tested. But our life tests aren’t exactly what we believe them to be.
I believe, our tests exist to show us what (and how much) we already know. They’re like open notebook tests. We have all the answers at our fingertips (more like in our brain space). It’s only a matter of opening our notes (read: sit one’s ass down, get still and listen to one’s inner wisdom). Our tests exist to show us how much we’ve evolved (or not). They exist because WE designed them to. They exist to help us face ourselves and heal what ain’t working. They teach us to believe in ourselves and to become steady, rather than shaken, by what we may be called to do. They develop our confidence. Even if it means having a really big idea that nobody else believes in. Our tests, when seen as friendly, build in us the strength and tenacity required for the next parts of our journey. They happen to grow us.
The more practice we get with trusting that everything that happens in our lives is designed to teach us something fundamental about ourselves, the less stress we find when we happen to meet up with “go with the flow” moments that look an awful lot like a tight rope.
When we become well practiced in flowing with the go and seeing everything that happens in our lives as FOR us and part of our plan, they start to become like welcomed comrades we look forward to as checkpoints in our journey. We begin to see what is being shown us by way of our growth and our alignment with our purpose. That small, still voice becomes like that gong that won’t shut up. It’s loud, clear, direct and a beautiful reminder of who we are and what we came to do. We become confident in trusting our process, which means that our every step is guided. We know, that should we happen upon the tallest tight rope on the planet, that also happens to have lions coming for our back and a party on the other side with the best food, the dopest music and people so awesome they remind us of Angels … we begin to get it that the tight rope is a ruse. We’ll get across it no problem if we stay our focus on where we’re headed, trust our feet to be steady and our inner voice to guide our steps. With enough practice, we begin to figure out that our tests have little to do with the situations we may be facing and everything to do with our attitudes about them. So essentially, flowing with the go is about the greatest kind of trust. The trust of SELF. Kindof like how I trusted that in sitting down to write this post with zero clue what I was going to write about, the message would spring forth admirably, no?
The moral of this story? Ha! Me? Moral? Yeah right. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant “there are no lions in my way, only angels and abundant” blessings. Love, -e-