Okay. First allow me to say I have nothing at all against Steve Harvey. Sometimes he’s funny. Sometimes he makes a lot of sense. Most times, I can’t really listen to him in long drawn out pieces. In the scheme of things, he’s uber successful at all his many endeavors and I appreciate him for that, at least. Do I ever want to see him without his shirt again? Nope. Never. Not even on a bet.
That said, I came across Steve Harvey’s new New York Times Best Seller–relationship advice book “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man” at a birthday party I took Aubrei and her cousin Mya to this past weekend.
Mind you, I had heard about the book from one of my FB friends, and of course, I rolled my eyes like: “Steve Harvey. Author. Whateeeeeever.” What?! My initial reaction was honest enough.
I do not look to Steve Harvey for fashion advice, unless I’m in the market for an electric blue suit. I do not look to Steve Harvey for public speaking advice, unless I’m looking to utilize an annoying, utterly “old school” pimpin’ country twang and an unmanagable mental flow. So I am certainly NOT looking to Steve Harvey for any other kind of advice, particularly with regard to relationships. Call me a snob. I’ll own it.
So of course, I see this book on the end table, next to my friend KC’s side chair and I roll my eyes. I teetered a bit mentally about picking it up. 15 minutes later, KC came in to find me completely engaged in chapter 2. Yes, I was a goner at that point. hooked.
Funny enough, Steve Harvey made so much sense, I felt guilty even admitting liking the darn thing. As I read and pondered my past relationships, I realized that I was so off the mark in my own thinking with regard to male people in relationships and Steve was so ON the mark with his.
Sadly, Aubrei was getting cranky, so it was time to go. The whole ride home I’m comparing Steve Harvey’s notes with my own past relationship failures. Things like: “Men don’t love the way women love” and “men have three life motivations: who they are. what they do and how much they make.–if these three things ain’t in line with them, they ain’t in line with you”. It was sheer, simple, genius. Steve was very plain. Men are simple and we women try to project our complexities on our men, which alot of times leads to a relationship intensity that is utterly unmanageable for either party.
I began thinking of how many times out of anger and frustration that my man at the time didn’t do this that or the other the way I was raised to expect it. Part of my frustration was that I hadn’t set the ground rules up early enough for him–give him a clear blueprint to follow, for fear that he would run for the hills when he realized the “price” of being with me. It was still expected, but it wasn’t communicated. Which leads to the feminine Grrrrrrrrrrr. Steve says it even more plain. If a man ain’t willing to pay the “price” to be with you (he explains what “price” means thoroughly), keep it moving, because someone undoubtedly will. He also says though, if a man really loves you, “he will kill concrete for you.” I love that.
Here I am thinking, I’m this cool, chill, completely above anything petty girlfriend who let her man roam freely, meanwhile, I have no ground rule blueprint for him to work from. Completely not on point with Steve’s point about setting ground rules and enforcing them.
I could never understand why my exes would instantly fly to defensive mode when I would say: “we have to talk.” Their reaction to my saying this would undoubtedly keep me from saying much of anything at all, unless it was that pressing of an issue. Not saying what I felt at that moment, made me more reluctant to talk at other moments, and after a while, I was like a pressure cooker good and ready to explode all over my exes like hot grease. And did.
Okay, so I get home and order the book on my iPhone (I’ll admit, I’m a book snob, I couldn’t bare the thought of actually going to the store and having some other book snob see be buying it) and stay up half the night reading through it, and after I’m finished I feel a lightness of being. Closure and forgiveness even. Everything became so clear. Had I known better, I certainly would have done better and now that I know better, I have every opportunity to think more clearly and do what must be done.
I won’t give away all of Steve’s gems (there are so many), because I do believe reading it for yourself will be just as beneficial for you, as it was for me. He even goes so far as to dig into we independent women types who don’t need no man to do nothing for us. Yes, ladies. Don’t worry, we can keep our high paying jobs and such. Just read it. It’s worth it.
So all in all, I have a new found respect for Steve Harvey. I still have no real interest of seeking out his fashion or speaking advice, or even see him without his shirt again, but whomever sorted through his randomness to help him put together this book is a saint and a genius. Order the e-book if you too are a book snob. But whatever you do….read it!!!! It may change your life.
The moral of this story? We’re back to not having one again. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and abundant new relationship blessings! -e-