I started to write a blog detailing all the ways I’m frustrated about so many things going on in my life. I really did. I’m dealing with some very painful, heartbreaking things of late. I’ve been so busy and thwarting this creeping cold, I’ve refused to give time nor place to actually feeling what wants or maybe needs to be felt. However annoyingly.
Tears sneak up on me some days, but then I get busy doing all the million and a half things I do in a day and I discover I’d rather be doing the things that give me joy than spend a whole lot of time feeling sorry for myself about how cruel the world can be by way of the people who happen to inhabit it. It especially sucks when the people I reflect upon are people who are supposed to be closest to me. I guess it would make me less human if I could simply shut the light out on them–the way they seem to be able to do with me. I feel a bit discarded, but this is nothing new. It’s been going on for yeeeeears. The fact that this bothers me may be another clue that I’m actually human after all. Tough break.
The reason I say I started to write the “melancholy” blog is because I actually did. I wrote just about an entire piece which pointed a proverbial finger at all the things that are making me want to throw up. I got a good momentum going with my finger wagging at full speed. And then I caught wind of the above picture by way of a new blog find called A Belle in Brooklyn .
The picture struck me so hard at first glance, I’m pretty sure I almost fell out of my chair. Or maybe that was just me being my usual clumsy self, tripping over my wagging pointer finger–your guess is as good as mine. The point is, I saw the picture and started reading it like my life depended on it. “This is your life.” Yeah, I figured as much. “Do what you love and do it often.” Uh huh. Check. “If you don’t like something, change it.” Exactly. “If you don’t like your job, quit.” Abso-frickkin-lutely! But then, I got stuck. What if it’s not that simple. What if you can’t actually help the cards you’ve been dealt and the cards are people and they aren’t the best match for your um…better sensibilities and life vibes? What if you simply don’t match the *cough* corporate culture you’ve been “born” into? Can you still quit? That’s where I get stuck and that’s where I am right now.
“How do we make peace with who we are, if not by way of where we’ve come from? And further, how do we make peace with where we’ve come, if we don’t get some actual distance from it? …I don’t know the answer to these questions either and I would be lying to you if I said I did.”
And yet, even though I wanted to fall “victim” to that victim feeling we all adopt from time to time, the universe has a way of giving us options even if we don’t want any at the time. Mine came to me by way of the above picture. It reminded me that even when sh*t happens, it doesn’t mean I have to not like it AND stay stuck with it. Sh*t can always change. If only because I make it so. I don’t even have to know that the change I’m making is better or worse.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Sometimes change isn’t about better or worse or even good or bad. It’s really about removing oneself from a destructive pattern, life cycle or group of toxic people. Which can be much harder than it looks.
I’m thinking the key here is simply to DO SOMETHING. Rather than sitting where we are, waiting for the seeming obstacle to change itself or move around us, maybe the movement that needs to happen comes from us. Maybe what it’s really about is not allowing ourselves to get stuck. Not allowing ourselves to stay stagnant in unsavory circumstances, feeling powerless. Maybe it’s just a matter of thinking differently and therefore find the willingness to do things differently that becomes the way between a life in perpetual victim mode versus a life filled to the brim with awesome!
This I know for sure. I may not know the ins and outs of why life happens the way it does. All I truly NEED to know is that this is MY life. I only get one (that I know of). As long as I keep doing what I love, I’m on path. If something or someone happens on my path that I don’t like or likes to get in the way, the good news is, I can always move.
The moral of this story? Who knows. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and Abundant “It’s your life! Keep it moving!” Blessings! Love, -e-