The cleaning or purification process is interesting. It’s not really that complicated. Seriously. I’ve learned this first hand. All that is required is to leave some not so good things out and put some better things in that flush other things out that aren’t so good. That’s the nuts and bolts of it. It’s that simple. AND all mind fffff. We make things so devastatingly hard, when it really is all a matter of minding what we let matter. Most of the time it’s a whole lot of a heck of a lot of bulljank and what not.
Interestingly enough, you ever notice that when you set a goal and you’re really close to accomplishing said goal, all hell starts to break loose in other areas of your life? Ever notice that you have to work extra hard to keep your composure with asshole type folk when you’re on an anti-asshole diet? Or the first weeks you decide to become vegan, every person you know decides to eat a bacon cheeseburger around you? Ever notice that when you finally, finally find a semblance of balance and happiness in your life, somebody comes around that is barely avoidable and blatantly tries to rob you of your joy?
I find this phenomenon absolutely fascinating. I wonder if we create these scenarios unconsciously to test our resolve toward whatever it is. Or if a higher power sets these testing scenarios up? Or if it’s not a test at all. It’s just bullshit ass timing. You know I attempted a google search and didn’t turn up with much except a whole bunch of random stuff that may or may not have anything at all to do with what this blog post is actually about. I digress.
So I’m on day 17. Week 3 for me is turning out to be pretty anti-climactic. I don’t eat stuff I’m not supposed to eat. I drink my smoothies, although, the solid food part these first few days has not really interested me at all. I’ve been planning to cook, but I’ve been so obsessed with something I’m working on that I haven’t and so–whatever. I’m still cleaning, although not drinking nearly enough water as I should–BUT–I’m taking all my supplements. Plus I had a really interesting scenario happen at the onset of week 3 that I’m not privy yet to share and the timing of it all is just very weird. *sigh* I’ve been trying to keep my workout involved in my daily life and so I am. But my meditation practice has waned since my doppelganger and I had words last week.
And so, my entire purpose of beginning this Clean was to streamline my eating habits with my desire to be more awesome, along with the other aspects of my life–including my mentals, my spirituals and my movements. I’ve been successful in the realm of adding on layers of these things as I become more accustomed to new things. I want to make these things daily awesome life habits. I started out with this really aggressive attitude about it and now I’ve kindof calmed down and let my progression happen a little less frantically. I’ve learned the more I get in my groove with the new, the more the other stuff actually falls in line or falls away–whatever becomes necessary.
Cleaning is a process. I have a little more layers to clean than just my physical well being, I’ve learned. For me, it’s going to take longer than the designated 3 weeks. I’m cool with that. It turns out, the food change is the easy part for me.
With that in mind, in a few days, I’ll have finished my commitment to my official pledge to Clean for 3 weeks. I can continue on with this journey if I choose, or I can eat anything I like come Tuesday, February 22. I’ve actually chosen to continue not eating dairy, eggs, gluten or processed foods for at least another week or two after my official “Clean” has ended. I’m laughing because I’m anticipating the weeks that follow (how ever many they will be) will be either way more interesting as I clean a bit deeper, or way more anti-climactic. It can go either way.
I will tell you this. I’ve noticed that the closer to this level of weird euphoria I’m finding, the lighter I’ve become, the more doors I see open, the more my feeling of confidence about who I am and what I’m here for grows, the more I carry my glow around like a light saber; the more folk have been both attracted enough to want to kindof linger around me AS WELL AS try to create issue in my life. Weird right?
I mean, it doesn’t and hasn’t actually become an issue. It would have before, mind you. I’ve experienced similar scenarios in varying stages of my evolution and decided the drama of how people react to me in a certain mind frame wasn’t worth the pain I experienced at the time and so I toned “myself” down to suit other folks’ comfortability. I’ve done it literally my entire life.
The part that is weird now, I suppose, is how my reactions to these things and people have changed. How I no longer feel a need to tone myself down to make people feel more comfortable. In some cases, I simply and quietly remove myself from the situation. In fact, when I notice people reacting to my brightness, I feel no inclination what so ever to put on the dimmer. I actually, actively pour more love into my vibe and without my even trying, the bright switch kicks up a few more notches. It drives people nuts and if they can’t take it, they go away on their own. Some folk are determined to shut lights off wherever they go, but love light ain’t theirs to control. Those folks simply fuck themselves, but that’s a whole other post for another day.
With this new understanding, I don’t feel at all victimized like I used to. I don’t feel like how folk react to my path is my fault or my problem or my curse to lug around for my golden years. I’m beginning to feel like I need to dig deeper, and clean more to make more room for even more light within myself to not only light up my life and any room I find myself in, but also the people around me and if I can muster it–all the people I can in the world.
Why I feel this, I can’t really articulate the way I want to. I can only say that when your perspective on things change, you tend not to take silly stuff personally. You can observe it for what it is, react or not and not give it more emotion than it deserves. Sort of. I still have some work to do. But the seed of this understanding is def planted and sprouting.
It’s like you have to realize that there’s something important happening in you that’s making people react in ways that actually requires more of whatever you’re bringing to resolve whatever it is. Does that make sense? It’s like this. You’re breaking down a wall that you need to break down to get to the other side. The wall is a cancer in your life and you have to get rid of it to get to your path. For whatever reason, people begin protesting. These people don’t know you, nor care that the wall is killing them too. Nor do they really care about the wall. They just don’t like the idea that you’ve poked a hole in that wall and light had begun streaming through that hole you poked. A few more strokes of your determination and the wall will be dust and light will literally flood everything around you and you will be where you’re supposed to be–on the other side and no walls to keep you out or in. The job of the protesters is to protest. That’s it. They’re evolution killers. If you stop what you’re doing, you won’t get rid of that wall. You won’t get your portion of the light. You’ll be stuck still at the wall. The only thing you’ll have accomplished is quieting the rumblings of the protesters. Meanwhile, If you keep making that wall dust, when the light finally comes full force, those protestors will be dust too. Allegedly.
I’m beginning to learn that you know you’re on path and ever closer to breaking down that wall when the shit starts falling from the sky. When the protesters happen. When the jealous people or haters or light hoggers or unevolved souls or whatever you want to call them start trying to ruin your day, daily. Think about it. When you light up a room like a flame, you are where every bug wants to be. Bugs, while supposedly divine creatures, can be infinitely annoying. Most of them are harmless. If you ignore them, they go away. It’s when you start swatting at them that things get complicated, depending on the bug. I’m just saying.
So now you’re at the wall, you’re almost through. The light is pouring in your life and you reflect your purpose. Do you swat at the protestors and steal precious attention from what you’re doing and what NEEDS to be done to get through the wall just to make the protestors happy (even though that’s not your job) or do you ignore them and keep getting through to where you’re supposed to be? Protestor irrelevant?
Therein lies the mind fuck I spoke of earlier.
Anyway. I’ve made it to week three. The food has stopped being an issue and so now I suppose we’re adding the cleaning of the mentals to this little social experiment. We’ll chat soon, Kay?
The moral of it this story? No idea. Just some food for thought. Thank you for reading this though. Peace and Abundant blessings! Love, -e-